How do you discipline a child of
this age? Ages 0 to 2
Babies and toddlers are naturally curious, and the best way to
discipline a young child is to eliminate temptations. A child who
has been hitting, biting, or throwing food, should be told why
that behaviour is unacceptable, and try to calm him for a minute
or two.
Never spank, hit, or slap a child of any age. Babies and toddlers
are especially unlikely to be able to make any connection between
their behaviour and the physical punishment. They will only feel
the pain of the spanking. Do not forget that children learn by
watching you. Make sure that your behaviour is perfect as it has a
strong impact on the child’s behaviour.
Ages 3 to 5
As your child grows, he begins to understand the connection
between actions and consequences. It is important to explain to
him what you expect of him before you punish him for a certain
behaviour. For instance, the first time your child uses crayons to
decorate the living room wall, you should discuss why that is not
allowed and what will happen if it's done again. Explain to him
that he will have to help keep the walls clean. If he repeats this
act again, you should remind him that crayons are for paper only
and then enforce the consequences.
It is sometimes easier for parents to ignore occasionally bad
behaviour. It is important for you as parents to decide together
what the rules are and then be consistent in upholding them. At
the same time you become clear on what behaviours will be punished
and do not forget to reward good behaviours. Discipline is not
just about punishment. Parents need to remember to recognize and
reward good behaviour as well.
Ages 6 to 8
Timeouts and consequences are effective discipline strategies with
this age group. Consistency is important at this stage. The child
should be made to believe that you mean what you say. You should
try and follow through with what you say. Be careful not to make
unrealistic threats of punishment in anger, since not following
through could weaken all your threats. Severe punishments may take
away your power as a parent. The child may not feel motivated to
change his behaviour.
Ages 9 to 12
The child in this age group, just as with all ages, can be
disciplined with natural consequences. As he matures and requests
more independence and responsibility, teaching him to deal with
the consequences of his behavior is an effective and appropriate
method of discipline. For example, if your child has not done his
homework before bedtime and goes to school without it the next day
he faces the consequences. He will realize automatically what
behaving improperly can mean, and will probably not make those
mistakes again. However, if your child does not seem to be
learning from natural consequences, you should set up your own
consequences to help him modify his behaviour more effectively.
Ages 13 and above
By now your child knows what is expected of him and knows that you
mean what you say about the consequences of bad behaviour. Don't
let down your guard now, as discipline is just as important for
teens as it is for younger children. Make sure to set up rules
regarding homework, visits by friends, and discuss them beforehand
with your teenager so that there will be no misunderstandings. He
will probably complain from time to time, even as you grant him
greater freedom and responsibility.
When your child does break a rule, taking away privileges may seem
to be the best plan of action. It is also important to give a
teenager some control over his life. It will help him to respect
the decisions you make for him.
What is positive discipline?
The key to success is for parents to establish their authority
over the child without putting them on the offensive and getting
into a power struggle. The child, just like other people, do not
react well to taking orders. The instinct is to rebel and the
parents’ automatic reaction is to exert further pressure. The
child must get the message that discipline is for their own good.
Many times children distract their parents with their naughtiness
and disobedience. On such occasions, parents may see no other
option but to give the children a good spanking. While this does
not cause serious damage if it is a rare occurrence, it has been
observed that children whose parents discipline them by hitting,
nagging, or shouting at them on a regular basis, have a tendency
to be more violent and aggressive than other children who are
disciplined through other means.
Another important thing is that parents should keep in mind that
when they rebuke their child, they should make them understand
that it is a specific behaviour that is under criticism and not
the child himself. The child must feel that he is not a bad
person, but that he has not behaved correctly in a particular
situation.
Punishment should be aimed at making child understand the
consequences of their actions and to take responsibility for their
actions.
How to deal with a stubborn child?
Stubbornness in children has always been viewed as a negative
trait by parents. But may be they should attempt to look upon it
in a more positive fashion. A child's stubbornness may just be his
way of demonstrating that he can think for himself. Stubbornness
gives him a feeling that he has a measure of control over the
situation, which in turn, boosts his self-esteem. Parents should
also make an effort to understand the root of their children's
stubbornness. Stubbornness can have a range of causes. It may vary
from irrational fears to resistance to change or just a simple
attack of rebellion. Do not get angry or argue with them. Simply
state your stand, the reasons for it and the consequences of
disobedience. Then follow through. If the issue is not serious,
there is no harm negotiating with your child and arriving at a
compromise. In some situations, it may be more effective to just
let go without any opposition.
Some useful tips:
* Identify the problem and involve your child in seeking a
solution. In this way he will feel that you are both on the same
side.
* If you want your child to do something, try to time your request
so that it does not interrupt him while he is doing something
else. This is one way of avoiding conflict.
* If your child is not very happy about change, give him adequate
notice so that he knows what to expect and is willing to
cooperate.
* Be assertive when asking your child to do something. You are not
asking them for a favour. Also, make clear the consequences of
non-compliance.
* Keep in mind that your requests should be reasonable. Praise
your child when he is cooperative and well behaved.
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