What is the cause?
All children have fears of one kind or another. Fear is an emotion
like others such as love, happiness, anger, hurt and sadness.
Babies are quite unpredictable. In the early days of their lives
they are quite fearless. They go boldly into the great unknown. As
the child grows older, her imagination and curiosity develops side
by side. She learns the potential dangers of certain actions and
objects and the reasons why it is so. As she makes these
connections, her awareness makes her cautious and sometimes
frightened.
It has been observed that these fears develop more often in
children for whom feeding and toilet training have been
contentious issues, or in those who have overprotective parents or
who have been regularly warned or cautioned against doing certain
things. On the other hand, some children are just born sensitive.
They will slowly grow out of these new fears with your
understanding and help.
Some of the causes are:
Fear of the dark
Fear of the dark is one of the most common childhood fears. This
is also a fear that is quite common in adults too. If your child
is scared of the dark you can indulge her by leaving her bedroom
door open or leaving a night light on. Keep her well occupied with
games and other activities throughout the day so that she has no
time to brood on her fears. In time, she will realize that there
is nothing to fear
Tangible fears
Sometimes children develop fears of tangible things like dogs,
cockroaches, water, and men in uniform. It is not necessary for
the child to have had a frightening experience with any of the
objects of their fears. It will certainly not help them to
overcome their fear by forcing them to confront the objects of
their fears. Children most often outgrow these fears themselves.
Fear of death
Some children are scared of death and dying. They cannot
understand what happens to their pets or people who die. It is
necessary for the parents to explain to the child that the
deceased has gone up to God in heaven. On the other hand, parents
can just deal with death by saying that the person was old, weak
and too tired to go on living. It is important that parents
maintain a casual air and reassure their child that they will be
around for years to come.
Fear at the movies
Some children begin to wail in the theatres and demand to be taken
home. Parents must remember that children below the age of seven
often find it difficult to separate fiction and reality because of
their overactive imaginations. Thus, movies may not be a good idea
for children in this age group.
Fear of separation
Although separation anxieties are normal among infants and
toddlers, they are not appropriate for older children or
adolescents. They may represent symptoms of separation anxiety
disorder. Children with separation anxiety may cling to their
parent and have difficulty falling asleep by themselves at night.
Their need to stay close to their parent or home may make it
difficult for them to attend school or stay at friends’ houses, or
be in a room by themselves. Fear of separation can lead to
dizziness, nausea, or palpitations.
Separation anxiety is often associated with symptoms of
depression, such as sadness, withdrawal, apathy, or difficulty in
concentrating, and such children often fear that they or a family
member might die. Young children experience nightmares or fears at
bedtime. Every day parents should teach their babies to make their
way in the world in many little ways.
Social Phobia
Children with social phobias (also called social anxiety disorder)
have a persistent fear of being embarrassed. In social situations
such as during a performance, or if they have to speak in class or
in public, get into conversation with others, or eat, drink, or
write in public. Feelings of anxiety in these situations produce
physical reactions like palpitations, tremors, sweating, diarrhoea,
blushing, muscle tension, etc. Children, may be afraid that others
will notice their anxiety and consider them odd and make fun of
them.
Divorce
At some point all children are afraid of being abandoned, but when
parents separate, the fear of being left alone becomes all too
real. The child may assume that since one parent has left, the
other will too. Suddenly a child’s natural desire to explore the
world becomes replaced by the anxiety of being left at home with
no one. Children experiencing a divorce need extra care and the
child should be made to feel safer and needs extra care. As the
world can seem a threatening place to a youngster.
How to help the child?
While you may not understand the child’s fear, it is very real to
her. Ridiculing the fear or chastising your child for being a
coward is not going to make the situation better. Encourage her to
talk about her fears. You must instill confidence in her by
assuring her that nothing bad is going to happen and that you are
right by her side. While it is important to be sympathetic, do not
overdo it. Your child may get the message that her fears are
justified. You can help the child develop the skills and
confidence to overcome her fears.
The following steps will guide you in helping your child deal with
her fears and anxieties.
* Recognize that the fear is real however trivial it may seem. It
feels real to the child and it is causing her to feel anxious and
afraid. Being able to talk about fears can help.
* Never belittle the fear as a way of forcing the child to
overcome it. It won't make the fear go away.
* Parents who display frequent fears and worries themselves, or
who protect their child from potentially risky experiences, will
train their child to carry a larger number of fears than
necessary. Read books and stories to your child about children who
have experienced similar fears. This helps children to talk about
their fears and to find ways to cope.
* As with all emotions, fears become less of a problem for
children as they gain self-confidence, see their world as safe,
and find that fear is normal and can be dealt with.
* Some fears are normal and even helpful. But too many fears and
anxiety can get in the way of enjoying everyday things like
learning in school, playing with a friend. That is the time when
help is needed. You should take the child to a doctor who can help
find out if a medical problem is making the child feel anxious. He
can help find a way to lessen the anxiety through talking,
activities, relaxation exercises, medication or a combination of
these things.
* Parents have to be very patient while dealing with separation
anxiety in their children. If they plan to go away for a few days
leaving their child in someone else’s care, they should give the
child enough time to get accustomed to the new person. It has been
observed that children who are used to being around different
people right from a young age tend to be more independent and
outgoing. Parents should not be overprotective with their
children. This will just make them timid and withdrawn.
Child Dealing with Fear
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