What is masturbation?
To masturbate means to stimulate yourself in a sexual way. This
can be done by hand, or with sex aids – some highly-sexed women
can even do it by rubbing their thighs together. And a tiny
minority of women can do it with no genital contact at all, but
simply through caressing their breasts.
Such stimulation often leads to orgasm, but not invariably, as
many women enjoy stroking themselves and experiencing pleasure
that does not necessarily culminate in a climax.
Most men have masturbated, often beginning at a fairly young age.
Women tend to start masturbation later however, and it does not
tend to be such an automatic activity as it is for most men and
Furthermore, even once a woman has learned to masturbate, she will
probably do it less than the average man - and it seems that far
fewer women than men do it regularly.
Various people have speculated on why this is the case. But most
agree that it is to do with basic sex drive.
It does appear that if you compare the sex drive of an average
young woman and an average young man, then the man is likely to be
the more highly sexed of the two. This is partly because a woman’s
fluctuating hormones tend to mean that her desire for sex is not
as constant as a man’s is.
Another reason for masturbation being less important to women than
men is that a man’s sexual apparatus is all outside his body and
he is focused on the pleasure his penis provides him from a very
Women’s sex organs are less obvious. For example, the clitoris -
which is the main organ of pleasure in most women - is hidden away
under the labia. Also, though this is less the case now than it
used to be, girls have traditionally been brought up to be more
modest and secretive about their bodies.
Even so, many young women nowadays will enjoy masturbation prior
to experiencing love play or intercourse with a partner. But vast
numbers of females do not discover masturbation till their late
teens – and some never do it at all.
Is masturbation a good thing?
Years ago, girls were told that masturbation was an ‘immature’
activity and that it was important not to get too fixated on it
and that if you did, then you might be unable to progress to
‘proper’ lovemaking with a man.
Most experts now regard this sort of advice as nonsense.
Indeed, most clinicians and counsellors working in the world of
sex and/or relationship therapy believe that a woman can learn a
great deal about her own sexual response through masturbation, and
that she can then pass on what she knows to any partner - male or
female - she may have.
So, masturbation should not be regarded as immature or shameful.
It is something that most normally-sexed women do. They may
reserve it for when they feel in need of a treat, or they may do
it very regularly – even when they are in a relationship.
Some women choose to masturbate in order to ease abdominal cramps
during their periods. Others only ever do it if they feel
seriously frustrated. And yet others do it both privately and also
as part of the loveplay they share with their partners. All this
What's the best way for women to have an orgasm?
If you don't know exactly what it is you like or what it takes for
you to reach orgasm, it's a good idea to practise on your own.
For some people the very idea of stimulating themselves can seem
worrying, or unappealing, or something to be ashamed of. It’s a
good idea if women can rid themselves of these feelings.
Masturbation is a great way to lessen tension in your body. It’s a
very safe way to have an orgasm. And it’s probably the best way to
learn about how your body likes to be loved. . But masturbation,
like most things, takes practice. And the only way to learn about
your own sexual response is to try it.
If you have never tried masturbation, or you want to do it in such
a way that will be more pleasurable and satisfying then it has
been in the past, then you might need to plan how and when to do
it, rather than leave it to chance. For a start, you need to
ensure that you’re going to have adequate time to yourself and
that you won't be interrupted
Begin by taking a shower, or a long, luxurious, scented bath. Soap
your body all over and enjoy touching your breasts and your
genitals in particular.
Dry yourself carefully, then rub your favourite lotion all over
your body. Keep touching your body everywhere - it might be a good
idea to stand in front of a mirror while you do it. This is your
body – a body capable of giving you great pleasure – so enjoy
looking at it and getting used to the sight and feel of it.
At this point, as long as you know that you're in no danger of
being disturbed, move to your bedroom. Make sure that it is warm
and comfortable. Put on some relaxing music if you like. And just
Lie down on your bed and use a mirror to look at your private and
intimate places. Gently spread your labia: you may want to use a
spot of lubrication There are very nice modern ones that increase
the sensuouness of the occasion – such as Wet, Liquid Silk and
Pjur. But if you don’t have any lubrication, then use saliva.
Try to tighten and relax the muscles at the base of the pelvis.
If you find it difficult to know whether you're doing this
successfully, try inserting a couple of fingers inside your
vagina. That way, you'll be able to feel whether you're tightening
and relaxing the muscles or not. Many women much prefer
masturbation if they can feel some bulk in the vagina at the same
time as they stimulate the clitoris – so touching yourself
internally might feel very good indeed.
If you now tighten and relax the muscles in rapid succession you
will feel contractions of the kind that many women experience when
having an orgasm.
You might also notice a warm sensation in your abdomen. Try
touching yourself all over your body, including the breasts and
your genitals where you will quickly find the most sensitive
spots. In particular, experiment near the opening of the vagina
and clitoris and stimulate yourself in whatever way feels best. So
long as you do not rush, and you are keeping relaxed, then your
own fingers will automatically do the right thing and will move
with the right amount of speed and intensity for you.
Try to familiarise yourself with exactly how touching yourself
makes you feel. Ignore everything around you. Just think about
what is going on inside you, or fantasise about making love with
someone you care for, or with a celebrity, or in some gorgeous and
While you touch yourself, you might like to look at something that
turns you on - pictures, perhaps, a film; even a sexy book.
Interestingly men and women differ somewhat is what they find
arousing. Most men like graphic pictures of sexy women or of
people having sex. Women are frequently much more turned on by
words – so an erotic novel can often increase a woman’s pleasure.
If, as is likely, your sexual tension rises, keep going. If you
have never previously masturbated to orgasm, you might suddenly
feel tired and want to stop. Or you may be nervous about the build
up of excitement in your body. Don’t worry about this. Just take
your time. And if you don’t want to go on right now, then that’s
fine. You can always try again another day. Eventually, the
pleasant feelings will build up and you’ll be comfortable with
this and increasingly excited and you won’t want to stop. When
that happens, you will almost certainly suddenly experience a huge
rush of ecstatic feeling and you will bring yourself to orgasm.
For some women it is not enough to just use their fingers - they
like to use sex aids as well. A vibrator may be useful, or you
could try stimulating yourself with the hand spray when you are in
the shower. Use your fingers at the same time.
If they follow the guidelines above, almost everyone should be
able to learn to masturbate and have an orgasm. But remember,
these are only guidelines. Experiment, and you may well find a
better way to turn yourself on.
Like other sexual activity, masturbation can be improved by
varying how you do it.
This is particularly true for women who are between relationships
and for whom masturbation is the sole sexual activity at that
period in their lives.
Most women find that their fingers do the trick wonderfully – as
they instinctively match their speed or weight to our
requirements. But a vibrator can help someone who finds it hard to
get to orgasm and can also be useful as a change from digital
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